Good Morning, mamas!
I woke up before the sun this morning to do a live Q&A in the Mums with Hustle Facebook group. It was an exclusive bonus follow-up to our juicy podcast interview—which you can listen to here—where we talked a lot about mindset issues that most moms and mompreneurs deal with at some point or another: mommy guilt, balance, relationships, etc.
I had never done anything like this LIVE before and I have to say I LOVED it. It was like speed dating, except speed coaching. On one FB thread, mamas poured out questions about money, balancing a business and a family, self-doubt and more. So many of those questions hit close to home and I’ve experienced them myself in my human moments at different stops throughout my motherhood journey these past three years.
I thought I’d share the takeaways from one sweet mama’s question because I think it’s something that applies to us ALL nearly ALL the time. I don’t think she’ll mind if I share her exact words without her name because she honestly sounds like SO many of you mamas in our Soul Tribe:
“Hi, Gervase. I have a lot on my plate, which I love as this is what keeps my heart beating – work full time, I am back at uni, I have my blog. But, something always gets a bit neglected, and mostly that is my blog. I just don’t know what to do sometimes. I think part of that is guilt, and perfection. Any tips for a busy/crazy mama like me?!”
Even if you don’t have a blog. I know you can replace that responsibility with another that you’ve prioritized in your life in the same way. One that you beat yourself up for “neglecting.” Maybe it’s your relationship, your side hustle, your fitness. Whatever.
So what’s the solution? What are the tips for busy crazy mamas like her and like YOU and like me? What can we do to stop neglecting that one area of our lives that we constantly feel guilt, anxiety and perfectionism over?
Before I wave a magic wand and tell you the answer, let me ask you something:
How do you you feel when you think the thought, “I am neglecting ______”?
Is it light or heavy? Do you feel calm or anxious? Confident or unsure?
I’m going to go ahead and take a wild guess that it makes you feel strung the F out.
The word “neglect,” by itself, means to “FAIL to do something.” And I’ve found that mothers already feel like they’re “failing” at enough things to ADD something to the pile. When we “fail” to do something it creates a gross guilty feeling deep within us that is hard to shake and can then manifest in new, self-sabotaging ways we don’t expect.
So in this mama’s case, my first thought was, “Are you neglecting your blog or creating space for the other things that you feel really NEED your attention every time you say NO to the blog?”
So my question to you, mama, is what are you creating SPACE for when you say NO to ______?
And doesn’t that feel a lot more like an empowered CHOICE than a failure to perform or meet some unrealistic or unhelpful perfectionist standards?
The funny thing about being a perfectionist, is that we’re usually just battling against OURSELVES and if we stop to really consider the big picture, nobody else CARES. Like, at all. I remind myself of that when I haven’t gotten around to blogging, or am feeding my kid frozen chicken nuggets or make a choice to snuggle up with my husband instead of burn the midnight oil.
It’s you against YOU. And the way you talk to yourself MATTERS. And the language you use MATTERS.
Your words create your reality, so I invite you to replace the thought, “I’m neglecting ____” with “I’m CHOOSING ______” and practice it all day long every day until your perfectionist ego that likes to trick you into FEELING like you’re failing gets confused and finally takes a hike.
And you know what happens then? Peace. Confidence. Presence. Empowerment.
If the people in your life don’t get that you are effing busy and need to prioritize the way you see fit, then THEY ARE NOT YOUR PEOPLE.
If you love what you do, but you’re running yourself into the ground and not enjoying it anymore, you’re going to BURN OUT. Success means nothing if you can’t enjoy this one incredible life.
So try to enjoy it. You’re in the driver’s seat. And your kids and those around you can learn so much from your surrender to what is and to seeing you embrace the human parts of yourself that were not programmed in you to make you suffer.
You’re doing more than you even need to already.
Love and Surrender,
PS: Have you sent this link to your lover yet to ask him for something really special this Mother’s Day? Tell him to use the code ShinyHappyMoms25 to get 25% off one or two coaching sessions. That’s $50-$100 off for a slice of peace and the confidence to say NO to the ish that doesn’t serve you or your family. I would love to help you. You can purchase that gift certificate here.